Going nutso isn't nice. I get mopey, I act erratically, I sleep too much, I don't speak and I do stupid shit like delete all my tweets or every single piece of art on my DeviantArt account. Luckily, I merely put them into storage this time around and have brought them back now that I'm feeling better
I figured, what with my new good mood and all, I'd write a little journal to remind myself why I'm still alive. 10 simple reasons why I don't cut my wrists and end it all.
2. My best friend. Like a brother to me, I'd never want to hurt him.
3. Sunlight after a downpour. Everything looks gold!
4. Do I really want to leave before there's another Kid Icarus game?
5. The possibility of seeing robotics improve within my lifetime to the point where I can create my own person. Create my own friends, my own family, people who are always there for me. Only one person has ever gave a shit about me, maybe one day I can add to that number?
6. I also want to clone myself and raise a version of myself from childhood. How would I have turned out if I was loved? One day I want to find out the answer.
7. I've never had a lucid dream. I need to try that shit out.
8. I want to do something on DeviantArt that gets me a Daily Deviation!
9. How can I become a Vampire? For someone who constantly thinks of killing himself, the idea of living forever as a bloodsucking ghoul is pretty appealing.
10. Seriously. DRAGONS. Just wait and see...
These are ten reasons why I want to stay alive. And if they're silly and foolish - good. Silly and foolish are what's keeping me here. Silly and foolish have kept me writing my stories and kept me sane.
You'll be pleased to know that I'm not planning on leaving just yet. I have a story to finish and a world to conquer. I have people to make happy, a best friend to buy a mansion for and a drawing tablet to improve on.
Life isn't always good, life for me is difficult and every day is spent in pain, telling myself to end it all and put a full stop on what often seems like a worthless existence - but I will matter one day, one day I will make people happy, one day I will make people smile, one day I will help at least one person not turn into the kind of monster I see in the mirror every morning.
Take care and keep on living.